The rain came down so heavily that day. Looking up I thought I had never seen those dark clouds empty so much water in such a short space of time. The clouds had been looming over the town for most of the day threatening to release their heavy weight and near the end of the day they did.
Standing on the window sill of the shattered window I could feel the drops splash over my face. I was standing there with the most outrageous impulse. I could feel the impulse from the time I lifted the chair to throw it at this window. The first time it bounced off the window as a warning perhaps, but I did not heed that warning. I simply picked up that wooden chair and threw a second time. The glass cracked. I tried to pick the chair up again, but the leg had a splinter that penetrated my finger. I dropped it in pain.
It must have been laughable to watch from above. My wife believed in a God and I did not. I swore loudly at the finger thinking that if there was a God out there then he should do something instead of playing these silly games with me. Does He really think that if I cannot break this stupid window the first time the urge to do it will fade? If He really wanted to stop he would have to try harder than this and stop laughing at me. I knew He was laughing!
At that point I took off the shirt and tie I was wearing. The way we fuss over the things we wear to impress other people around us. We don’t realise that most people do not even notice what we are wearing unless we arrived naked. I used that shirt to cover my hands to pick up that stupid chair. As I lifted the chair I threw it at the window and it hit square where the crack in the window was. The glass weakened further. I pushed against the weakened glass and it fell though.
I climbed up onto the window sill and looked down the fifteen floors below me. The urge was so great at that time. The impulse peaked with intensity. The rain moistened my face caressing every curve of my face. As I looked down to admire how inviting the sight looked, I realised how the rain caressed my face as my wife would have if she were standing there with me.
The image burned into my vision. It was so intense when I closed my eyes. My wife was a beautiful creature with tanned skin, dark brown eyes, soft small lips and long dark hair trailing halfway down her back. When we first met she had that beautiful hair tied back in a long pony. She wore little make-up but she didn’t need to. Her amazing personality shone through her skin to reveal a glow of beauty that made her the most gorgeous person in the building.
I remember how shy I was when I first approached her. It was like it was fate that the two of us could have attended the same function that night. I was there as a favour for my brother, Alex, who works as a civil engineer needing to attend this function just after South Africa was announced to host the 2010 Fifa World Cup. She was there with her father who was working as a journalist.
At the time I saw her pretty face a slow song began playing and I approached her slowly. The words repeating in my head to ask her to dance. When I reached her, I had temporarily lost my voice. She looked at me with uncertainty. Eventually I found my voice and asked her to dance with me. She accepted with a laugh. From then on we had been together and had a wonderfully talented little girl.
I looked down from that window sill thinking of my wife and child and I realised that this was ridiculous. Was it worth it to take my life over this secret? All I had to do was take that leap, but now my courage had failed me. The impulse was slowly fading away.
I shook my head and began to turn away from the edge of the window sill. My one foot slipped slightly forcing me to grab the edge of the broken window. My index finger found a shard of sharp glass that sliced through the skin. The pain was severe. I cried out furiously, but held on. The view I was faced with was a frightening drop down that did not look so attractive as it had done just a few moments ago.